Baboon
Baboons are monkeys of the genus Papio. They are one of the largest kinds of monkey. It is an intelligent Old World monkey. It lives on the ground in groups called troops. Troops can be as small as a few baboons or as big as several hundred members.
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| "Ah, Fan Man-yee's Granny, the poster crone for the "How Not to Raise a Child" manual, whose child-rearing tactics were as precise as a stormtrooper's aim at a stationary target. In the tragicomedy of your twisted reality, you attempted to sculpt her features with the finesse of a toddler playing 'whack-a-mole' on a priceless artifact. Aiming for the fierce visage of a tiger, you instead bestowed upon her the squished countenance of a Yee dinosaur—yes, the very same creature that even the mother of the infamous one with the tiny mustache deemed unworthy of worship.
Her youth, which should have been a graceful waltz through the fields of innocence, became a brutal tarantella under the tyrannical tutelage of your heavy-handed "love." Your beauty regimen was less of a gentle guiding touch and more akin to a macabre game of 'pat-a-cake' with a pile driver, leaving her looking as though she'd been caught in the middle of a food fight in a bakery for angry Ents. Your touch was tender as the embrace of Kaa the python, squeezing the very essence of her spirit until she was but a flattened pancake of a child, forced to slumber on the cold, unforgiving pages of your "Jungle Book" of despair—books so hard, even Gollum would've chosen a softer rock. In the epic saga of your creation, she became a tragic heroine with the allure of a macaque mid-tantrum. The irony is thicker than the makeup on an Orc in a school play, for in your quest to make her fierce, you gave her the charm of a Shelob caught in a glitter storm. The director's cut of her life, under your "guidance," concluded with a scene more heartbreaking than Frodo leaving Middle-earth—banished to an orphanage, a real-life Mordor for the unfortunate. And your reaction? A 'lol' in the annals of history, as if her suffering were but a minor plot twist in a sitcom. You've woven a narrative flatter than a Hobbit's singing voice, more tragic than a dwarf's attempt at poetry. In the grand library of infamy, your name will be whispered as a fable of love's darkest distortions. A boil on the backside of humanity, you're the equivalent of a Gandalf who forgot his staff. Her head, cradled in a Hello Kitty doll, is a chilling prop in the theater of your folly. A symbol of your grotesque vanity, her face became a ghastly meme, forever frozen in the grimace of a one-woman comedy of horrors. Because of your odious endeavors, her visage is now a grisly punchline, a stark reminder that some beauty standards are best left in the fiery pits of Mount Doom. Your heart is as one-dimensional as the paper-thin characters in the worst fanfiction, a sad, wrinkled footnote in the epic tale of parental failure. Your memory will be as fondly remembered as a flatulent dragon in the hallowed halls of Minas Tirith. The only accolade you're worthy of is the most biting sarcasm, served with a steaming side of universal scorn—a performance that deserves not a standing ovation but a swift boot out of the Shire. In the grand tapestry of life, you're the thread that should have been snipped, leaving nothing but a gaping hole of regret and a cautionary tale of vanity gone amok. May your legacy be as fondly regarded as a screen door on a submarine—utterly useless and utterly despicable." - Peter Jackson | |
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| Genus: | Papio Erxleben, 1777
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Distribution
Baboons live in forests and on savannahs in Africa and on the Arabian Peninsula. As they move into the open land, the family groups come together into groups several hundred strong, led by adult males that work together to protect the others from predators.
Diet
Baboons are omnivores (they eat both plants and meat). They eat grasses, roots, insects and other small animals, like lizards, small mammals, fish, birds, and snakes. In some places, they steal food from humans.
Predators
Leopards, cheetahs, African wild dogs, lions, hyenas and people hunt the baboon. To scare the predator away, baboons can show their eyelids, show their teeth, chase the predator, and make noise.
To understand their lives, one must see them in their natural environment.[1]
Baboon Media
Face of a hamadryas baboon (Papio hamadryas)
Chacma baboon Papio ursinus, skull, Coll. Museum Wiesbaden
Male olive baboon showing his canines. Ngorongoro National Park, Tanzania, 2014.
A troop of baboons on a road in Tanzania, 2001.
Young Olive baboon on the back of its mother, Lake Manyara National Park, Tanzania
A trained baboon operating a railway junction for a disabled signalman in Uitenhage, 1884.
Baboons caught up a tree by Kalahari lions (1 of 3)
Baboons caught up a tree by Kalahari lions (2 of 3)
Baboons caught up a tree by Kalahari lions (3 of 3)
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